I never saw so much rain in my life in such a short time ...
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Sunday, 10 January 2010
Sometimes my mind is overloading because all the litlle bits (and chunks) of thoughts are tucked neatly in their filing cabinets, and because we do not have as much time as we would like to write them all, they all seem to be stuck in their little "filing boxes" to be looked at later .. not to be forgotten but just on hold ;-)
And then for sure (at the risk of overload) I have to let them out and put them down somewhere .... which is here!
My thoughts are every day with a young boy who wishes his Dad could show him the love he so deeply needs, but doesn't get, and wishes so much his Dad could spend more than 4 hours per week with him. I feel such great sadness for him, as he is so wonderfully talented and bright, and even though we all know it, i think he just wishes the guy that helped to make him, could see it too .. even it it is just a glimpse ....
And above all i think the biggest hope for him is that his Dad "wants" to spend time with him .. but alas .. his dad doesn't seem to "want" ... So sad that you can waste the gift of your own child .. makes me think of this song ..
... And my thoughts are also with my own two babies (well not so babies anymore), who live(d) a different kind of abandon, and with time are learning to cope and accept .. little by little. They are amazing and have made progresses in leaps, in dealing with the loss of their mom. Their sadness, sometimes tangible and lurking beneath the surface, has always touched me deeply ... and as for all parents alike, when your child cries like this in your arms it is heart wrenching.
But there is a light for them as they are surrounded by a loving dad, a just as loving "second mom", and a new sister and brother .. and of course uncles and grandparents ... and even if this does not take their sadness away it comforts them ... and steadies them ...
... And my thoughts are also with those who lost loved ones .. and especially brothers/sisters .. like Rene and many others... Having lost my own brother a few years ago, and still missing him sometimes, i send a little thought out to you guys. Rene, i never got a chance to speak to you, but i wish can find comfort and peace in your heart. Life does go on, and with time it gets better. I am still amazed that today, after some years just one of Charles's favorite songs, can shoot vivid images into my mind, and can bring tears to my eyes...
I am blessed though as in my new life, i have been adopted by Michel .. cut from the same cloth as my own brother, he has become like a second brother to me ... and i love him just as dearly!
And then to my cousin who lost her baby tragically at just a few months old .. My thoughts are with you also, and i am sure i cannot understand fully your loss, but i have compassion for your plight, and your sadness ... and i know with time and the support of those wonderful friends and family around you, every step and every day will be better .. i wish this for you and your husband.
Someone told me:
"It is exceptional that you have found such a great love in your life after what you have lived"
And this is true and even more exceptional that anyone can imagine! I am truly transported at the thought that after all that i had lived, i have since met my "double", and i have been making my life for the last 2 and a bit years with her. I am every day more in love with her, and i am deeply connected to her... She is my best friend, lover, soul mate .. all in one Beautiful package! She always keeps me sane, and always puts a smile on my face, and above all she loves me the same!
And now we have decided to get married on the 6th of Feb 2010! What a joy! I am elated that this Princess has decided to tie the knot with the Bushman (I'm not sure she knows what she is letting herself in for) and could think of nothing more exiting than to spend the rest of my life with her!
To My Princess: Je t'aime grave mon amour! Tu est vraiment le femme de ma vie. Je suis toujours a côte de toi, et ma vie avec toi est exceptionnel! Notre voyage est le plus beau de ma vie!! Je voudrais continue de faire cette voyage avec toi jusque la fin de ma vie!
For everyone that reads this ... i want to share this:
In all you live, every event, find the positive...
In all you give, even the smallest gesture, give truly and without reserve...
In all you receive, even what is owned to you, receive it humbly...
For all you desire, whatever it may be, see first what you already have...
When you walk in life, look around you to see if you stepped on someone...
Before you cry on yourself, even if life smacked you down, cry on those that are suffering beside you ...
You only live once!
Live every moment!
This moment, right now, is all you can be sure of ...
I leave this post with this song...
Friday, 08 January 2010
Snowing now for about 19 hours! Just about 45cm of snow .. hehehehehe FUN!
Monday, 21 December 2009
And the kids at the "Marche de Noël...
Blogged from my Iphone ..
Monday, 02 November 2009
So i want to pay tribute to the guys/girls who invented the dish "Raclette":
Raclette (pronounced /rəˈklɛt/) is both a type of cheese and, informally, a dish featuring this cheese.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raclette
This is dish is absolutely delicious and with the right company even better .. Had a great evening with Michelle and Sandrine and some of our adopted kids .. and the Princess ... So with some real "Raclette cheese" especially imported from our last visit to Chamonix, we had a great and tasty Raclette in our small kitchen ;-)
Thanks to everyone for coming and for the great evening ... We had a great time and the Raclette "from Chamonix" was a sure hit! Michelle: Thanks for coming it was great to see you again ... we have been missing you a lot! Wish to see you again soon ...
and Sandrine: We love you and thanks for having this eveining with us! T'es genial!
So unti the next time for a Fondue (another VERY nice dish), or a Raclette, let all the people far away drool away for this beautiful dish ..; Hehehehehehehe .. and if you want to taste it you better come and visit!
Cheers
PS: To the Princess .. I Love you +1 Cham Cham!!
Whohahahahahaha!
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Nice afternoon at the Park with Pappy Gabby and the kids and of course my Princess ... such beautiful parks in France everywhere ...
Friday, 30 October 2009
After several tries have failed, we have managed to have a nice 5 days in Chamonix. Just relaxing .. not cooking .. not doing anything involving our "normal routine" ..
I think we really needed it as we neede just to blow off some steam and to have some time to reconnect to each other away from everything.
I love you my sweet Princess ... Thank you for us making this possible ... You are magical ... My Double ...
I am looking forward to the next time ;-)
Monday, 14 January 2008
After settlement here in France and as it seems that time is slowing down a bit (a very little bit), i have thought a lot about my "old" motto in life: Carpe Diem - "seize the day" or more accurately "harvest the day" ... and i thought maybe it could be time to asses the motto and see its currency ..
Well, i suppose to reflect on the last year and a half .. from being emotionally at the bottom of the pit in a crevace where i could hide from reality, while keeping up a smile and an "everything is ok" .. to today when i am happier than i have ever been, when i had been given a chance at happiness that i thought was forbidden to ones such as myself .. i think how forgotten my old motto has become ....
and alas there is only a smile on my face as i realise that the motto is still true today ... i have been with a beautiful Princess, one that fulfills my every need and that covers me with her love and radiance like nobody before in my life ... it is like she is the female mirror of me and she shares and feels everything as i do ... and above all she loves me for who and what i am .. without the desire to change me ... we evolve and grow naturally together because we share a deep love for one another ..
.. and today as we both help each other deal with our past demons and the sadness that takes hold of us from time to time ... we have seized the day ... we have grabbed life by the balls and we have decided to take a chance to seek the happiness and fulfillment that we have sought in ourselves ... we are"soul sisters" ... two parts of the same mould ...
Before my wife died she told me that she wishes me to meet someone that can bring me this happiness .. and fulfillment .. today Vikki I have found her and i can see the smile on your face when you look down and see us together ..
To everyone that is stuck in a hole ... not seeing the light ... even though difficult: keep faith and seize the day!!!
Thursday, 29 November 2007
Written 29/11/2007 - It is my birthday and i suppose another chance to reflect on the last year .... and last night i had the most wonderful little birthday party given by the love of my life and my 3 kids ... it was beautiful to share and see the joy in their faces for giving such presents to me ... and and last my Princess presented me a gift that brought tears to my eyes ... not only for what it was but for what it represented .... and what it said ... this gift moved me deeply ... and brought a big smile to my face ... MHBTY = My heart belongs to you....
What a wonderful day, with the ones i love around me. I treasure every moment with them ... and every moment i fall deeper in love with my Princess..
Another year older ... maybe wiser ... in any event i am where i want to be ... where i belong ...
Happiness is this ...
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
So today I say welcome to me in our new life .. it is the life i had been dreaming about for a very long time with the woman that brings me intense happiness and sunshine in my soul. With our 4 beautiful children that are unique and beautiful, each in their own right, and each that brings the both of us immense love and joy (and sometimes some shouts and frustartion ;-) ...)
We have brought together our 2+2 and they are integrating beautifully into our new life and despite some small speedbumps the road is clear and straight to our destination ... the vision we share to be happy in the mountains .. with our litlle guesthouse .. in each others loving arms every day ... sharing our touch, words, thoughts and feelings ... as we have been since the beginning..
The love of my life that helped me resque myself from losing who i was through sadness and dispair ..; the one who gave me the internal strength and determination to face myself and deal with the feelings i buried deep inside my soul, who gave me a look on myself that surprised and awakened me ... I am filled with her, with her love and compassion that she shares with me each day ..
and she is tortured by the beautiful picture she painted to everyone for 20 years ... a picture that shows that everything is OK and nothing is wrong ... but when you tear away the top canvas you find a picture of a mother and wife that is sad and tortured ... torn between the desire to escape a man that did not respect and love her like she so desperately desired ... and the need to keep the family together ... to conform to what was directed and preached.. I share her torture every day and try to make her load lighter by evacuating the feelings and taking her tears with her ... sometimes i wish i could magically take all the burdens and self reproaches away in an instant .. for my love for her is far greater than anyone (even her) can comprehend ... The tears of my princess move me deeply and i take her in my arms eagerly to show her how much i care love and understand ...
I think we were put together because we need each other and we are good for each other ... we were wishing for this ... yearning for it daily in our dreams and thoughts ... and now we are here ... able to do what we wanted .. to be ourselves with each other ... not to pretend and to lie to ourselves and others ... to say things as they are .. as we feel them ... without reserve ...
I am happy here ... happy as i have never been; with my babies ... the love of my life and my 2 new children. And together we are on a journey to our destination and the only thing that matters is that we can all be together for this ride ... we can all enjoy the scenery of life as we pass throught it .. not as tourists but as residents ...
What a beautiful family ...
Nicdev
We have brought together our 2+2 and they are integrating beautifully into our new life and despite some small speedbumps the road is clear and straight to our destination ... the vision we share to be happy in the mountains .. with our litlle guesthouse .. in each others loving arms every day ... sharing our touch, words, thoughts and feelings ... as we have been since the beginning..
The love of my life that helped me resque myself from losing who i was through sadness and dispair ..; the one who gave me the internal strength and determination to face myself and deal with the feelings i buried deep inside my soul, who gave me a look on myself that surprised and awakened me ... I am filled with her, with her love and compassion that she shares with me each day ..
and she is tortured by the beautiful picture she painted to everyone for 20 years ... a picture that shows that everything is OK and nothing is wrong ... but when you tear away the top canvas you find a picture of a mother and wife that is sad and tortured ... torn between the desire to escape a man that did not respect and love her like she so desperately desired ... and the need to keep the family together ... to conform to what was directed and preached.. I share her torture every day and try to make her load lighter by evacuating the feelings and taking her tears with her ... sometimes i wish i could magically take all the burdens and self reproaches away in an instant .. for my love for her is far greater than anyone (even her) can comprehend ... The tears of my princess move me deeply and i take her in my arms eagerly to show her how much i care love and understand ...
I think we were put together because we need each other and we are good for each other ... we were wishing for this ... yearning for it daily in our dreams and thoughts ... and now we are here ... able to do what we wanted .. to be ourselves with each other ... not to pretend and to lie to ourselves and others ... to say things as they are .. as we feel them ... without reserve ...
I am happy here ... happy as i have never been; with my babies ... the love of my life and my 2 new children. And together we are on a journey to our destination and the only thing that matters is that we can all be together for this ride ... we can all enjoy the scenery of life as we pass throught it .. not as tourists but as residents ...
What a beautiful family ...
Nicdev
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